EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
