He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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