my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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