At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
