i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
