In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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