i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize