I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
