He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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