the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
