I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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