i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
