i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
