fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Can I color on your dick again?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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