She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
