I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
