Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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