life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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