She said her name was "party"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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