When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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