you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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