i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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