You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
