i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
