Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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