How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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