I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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