Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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