Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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