Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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