Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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