Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
