Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize