He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
