so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize