Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
