Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
