i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
