im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
