Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
