we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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