i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
