I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
