my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
