I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
