Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
