i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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