Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
