Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
