My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
