The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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