Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize