I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
