as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
