he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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