the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
