dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
