Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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