Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
