The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
