Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
