Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
