before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize