Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
