just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
