you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
