and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
