Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
