i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize