Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
