Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
