dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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