Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
