smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
