You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
