So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk is not a location!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
