Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
