I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
