The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize