And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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