the condom got lost in my hair
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
