Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
