youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
