Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
