Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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