I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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