Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
