dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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